Grieving Families Divided by the War

Even families that share the grief of a loved one lost in the war in Iraq are divided on the war itself.

Relatives who believe the war in Iraq was necessary tend to gravitate toward one another, talking little of politics and more of pride, sacrifice and loneliness. And those like Ms. Sheehan, who questioned the need to invade Iraq, find one another too, wrestling with their doubts about the war and the meaning of their losses.

People on each side say they respect those on the other. Still, flashes of tension have crept up at small gatherings and group interviews, and even after condolence sessions with President Bush.

It's impossible to imagine being in the position of these poor families, to understand what the tragedy of losing a loved one in the war does to their feelings about the war. One could argue that their feelings on the war, for or against, are suspect because of their grief, but I think that does a great disservice to the families. I don't think that most of those who support the war do so because it's the only way they can find meaning in their loss, nor do I believe that most of those who oppose the war do so because of their bitterness over their loss. But I find myself respectfully disagreeing with those who say that opposing the war dishonors the sacrifice of their son or daughter. Soldiers don't get to pick the wars that they are sent to, so to me it's irrelevant whether the cause they died for was right, or even necessary. No, the measure of a soldier is their willingness to give up their livlihood and their life, and the duty and honor with which they do so. To me every soldier that's died in this war has done their duty to this country, and they should be honored accordingly, regardless of the rightness or ultimate outcome of the war. They are soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice, and nothing-not even the politics of the war-can diminish that.